A little self discovery

This fall, I have been interpreting freshman football at the high school. Let's just say that the whole culture of the sport is not really my thing. I find some of the mentality a bit "boy's club" and some of the attitude slightly misogynistic. I, however, am learning new things and expanding my range of experiences. For the most part, I am enjoying it. One of the coaches however, is a yeller, especially during the game. He tends to yell at all the kids, including "my" student, J. which I then get to interpret. I have to say that when J. is out on the field playing, I get a pit in my stomach hoping that he does everything to the liking of the coach. This, of course, is an impossible task, because coach is not easily pleased. I think J. gets yelled at or yelled about at least twice a game. It's not just J. who is yelled at, it's anyone who is playing and anyone on the sidelines who isn't "good enough" to play. The yelling happens through out the whole game. I just want to run away as soon as it starts. Last night, we had a game and lost, big time. Coach wasn't happy. On my way home, I started craving some sweet baked goods and/or some wine. I of course can't satisfy those cravings if I am to remain faithful to this detox. I started to ask myself why I was so eager to consume these forbidden things. I realized that I was so stressed out about the experience of the game, that I wanted some comfort. As soon as I made this connection, the cravings went away.



I have never considered myself a stress eater. Which seems to be a fact that I have been able to be in denial about because my adult life hasn't been very stressful and therefore I haven't put on that much weight. However, looking back on a time in my adult life that was particularly stressful, I managed to gain 20 pounds. (10 of which I was able to lose). We had moved, I started a new job and we were becoming landlords. I, of course could blame the gain on the new birth control pill I had been taking. With in the past month, I have put on 10lbs. After assessing the month, I realized that I have been experiencing a great amount of stress. I was put in a new position at work, with more responsibility which I didn't want in the first place and on top of that I have been dealing with the crazy coach almost daily. It occurred to me that if I continue on this path , I'll be one of those women who wakes up one day, 250lbs and stunned as to how it all happened.



My mom has always had a weight problem. While I was growing up, she was a yeller, which I hated. It made me feel nervous and on edge. In reflection, I have come to realize that when my mom would eat sweet delicious things, she was calm and seemed to me happy, which made me happy. These were usually foods that we would partake in together. Ice cream time was an especially wonderful time. It usually took place in the evenings while the whole family watched t.v. Those times were nice, quiet and peaceful. To this day, ice cream is one of my favorite comfort foods. I don't think I'm taking too big of a leap in concluding that I associate delicious desserts with comfort and relief.